Why I Think Extreme Displays of Capitalism Blow

These two genius founders' names are Larry and Sergey. They founded a massive.... whatever Google is and does. Company. They revolutionized technology, information accessibility, and not to mention the dictionary. "Try googling it if you can't find it..." Stay tuned for more usages...
Everytime I poke around Google's website, I find 50 new resources or tools they've launched. There's something more to Google, though. Something more that I could've only formed an opinon on- prematurely, nevertheless unequivocally- upon visiting and observing the Google Kingdom. Perhaps for me, this "something more" is evidenced instrinsically.
On Friday I went to Google for a lunch screening (I guess you can call it) by a Google employee. I suppose it's step -3 out of 50 in the whole recruiting process. I not only learned more about the position I was interested in, but was introduced to some of the facilities and environment. I call this my Embittered Google Memoir. Also, My Inadvertent Discourse on Why I Think Extreme Displays of Capitalism Blow. Also, Capitalism Blows.

Upon entering, a nice blue jacket studded young parking attendant emerged from his umbrella shaded, Google color- coordinated-pyloned parking station. He was particularly kind and meek, almost bashful, inquiring as to what I was doing there and whom I had come to see. As I moved into the parking lot I began to sense the nature of this place and could smell the exclusivity. Pondering that exchange with the parking attendant, it's as if he responded to me as he would to someone politely patronizing him or something. And I wasn't patronizing him. I was just coming to Google HQ. That's all. And by the way, this sense was only confirmed when I encountered a second parking lot attendant and experienced a similar behaviorism. So I checked in, via a Google computer, Google interfaced label ditty, labeled myself, and waited for my "screener" in the lobby. On the coffee table at the very top of all reading materials was that day's newspaper, front page article of the Business section, Google wowing and whizzing Wall Street. Shortly thereafter, after some confusion as to who said screener was and the receptionist pulling out a fat fat fat binder of employees, my screener came out and met me. She was wearing a corduroy skirt and converse. She was relaxed and "cool" and it was as if we were just two classmates meeting for a slushie. She showed me some on-site sights on the way to the on-site cafe. That very day, there were on-site oil changes and on-site hair cuts going on. There's an on-site "go tread some water for 20 minutes when work gets too hairy" mini swimming pool. There's a fully equipped gym and sauna, top of the line machines. I even saw a machine repairman in the gym fine-tuning a machine! I've been a Gold's member for a year now and have yet to see such personnel, in the flesh. Granted I go maybe once a month, but whatever. Back to Google Memoir. Someone brought their dog to work. Dress code is no code. We passed a beach volleyball court in the middle of this huge complex. Apparently, the two founders like to bring the sun, sand and volley right into work. On-site. Bring the outside right on in.
Lunch. I had the choice of an Asian cafe, health/organic cafe and a "little bit of everything" cafe. I chose the everything cafe. I go in and was invted to check it all out and take my time. So I did. Italian, Seafood, Mexican, salad bar, fruit bar, dessert bar, drinks. It was big and the options endless. I round up my lunch and look for a cash register. None. That's right, free lunch. I then learn Google provides free lunches and dinners. Gourmet. As in, my tortillas for my mexican entree- made by the only Latino workers on Google campus aside from the parking lot attending and maintenance departments- were warmed on some rotating, timed, flat big skillet thing. The plates were Google colored. The silverware was silverware. The recycling and trash bins were even flashy and quaint.
Now for the screen. I talked with my mouth ful at least 7.5 times. I talked about my aspirations and ideas in life as was requested. Mentioned the idea I had floating in my head for a non-profit. Other stuff. I was asked a lot about Blog, actually. Google = Blog apparently. I was asked what it does for me personally and what could be improved. I spouted out some crap and kept eating. You know how in posting pictures, you can see the code of the picture files appear and then your picture captions sometimes don't coordinate well with them? They could clean that up. I brought that up. It's a great pastime, Blogging is life, Blogging rules and vote for me. Other than that, I got nothing else.
I was asked about my passions and future goals as was expected. I don't like talking about my flair. Then comes the explanation of Google and the job. She mentioned it's fitting for people who don't have big family obligations and you put in a lot of time. It sounds like it would be quite the balancing act... to say the least. Big job, big company, high expectations and lots of dedication. Make that paramount job with Mt. Everest expectations (any and every job there. Harvard grads make up some of the administrative assistant staff she said), daunting company (more like a miniature country), and 1,240.6% dedication and focus as per your success in getting Google citizenship after 9+ interviews, heaven only knowing what those entailed. Furthermore, please... go on.... enrich your lives as you should, extra-googularly.

The whole time, I sensed that this screener was turned off by me. Not really convinced of what I said of myself but then again, I don't blame her. I wasn't convinced of what I was saying about myself. I felt like I had to go the whole time or something. Go in the worst possible way. Go pee as if I hadn't peed in a week kind of go. There wasn't really a connection there. I didn't know what this meeting was, what she really was asking and what I wanted to say. That's when I had had enough. No, I didn't throw down my real silverware and chuck my gourmet mexican entree at her face and start screaming, "You Googlonians blow!!!!!!" I simply went off about what I thought of the interview process and Google as a whole as per my one hour and 5 minute visit. I told her I don't jump through that many hoops. The hoops of The Man, if you will. Even if I was a champion hoop jumper and very well have the qualifications, I still wouldn't and don't. I did. I said it. I got cranky, alright? I said something about "my creativity" and I am looking to utilize and materialize that creativity for myself and a more fitting employer. If I took a job here, it would be my life and anything extra-googular sounds like it would have to take a backseat or be consecrated to Google. I don't think that's me. Top flight school and GPA is not equal to, is not greater to or less than, Laura Webster. Either way, that's strike 27 for me. Another ranting started off like this, "I engaged in a tremendous amount of surfing... I worked two jobs, here's what they were, here's what I was thinking, here's why that worked for me." I colleged in Hawaii. I wasn't thinking about my Google citizenship at the time I had to know what's going on in Nukualofa Tonga and was playing for Hong Kong in world cup intramural soccer. Could I have done that at Princeton? Maybe. But maybe's not good enough. Give me my dumbed down, 2,500 student populated, Mormon backed, internationally saturated BYU-Hawaii... or give me a lost chance to work for this top flight, mammoth, huger than all huge companies company called Google. GOOGLE? Google.
That was pretty much the only part where she took me seriously. The part where I lashed out and dogged on myself and a littler on her employer... in a polite and objective way, of course. She even related to me on my plight and talked about her enshaklement (that's my word choice of course) to the company and how she never thought she'd last as long as she has, how she talks to her friends about not knowing what they want in life, what they should move on to next, yadda yadda yadda.
Upon walking out, getting deported, fleeing, what have you, I asked one more question about what Google is looking for and how she would characterize Goggle in general, as a group. As a population. Her answer was individualism. I smiled and nodded.... and nodded. And said thank you.
Gotta go. Needed to go.

No sugar-coated paradise for me. No required, over-accentuated, hegemonicized individualism. No treading water because that's so hip that that pool's there... blowing off endorphines and steam will make me work better and harder and longer. No on-site hair cuts. Are we too good for off-site life in's and out's.. the outside world? Life beyond Google? What's wrong with off-site? I'll tell you what's wrong. Nothing's wrong. Whatever happened to 9-5, bringing home the bacon, punch out and go home to your family, assuming you have one?

The Google everlasting gobstopper secrets need not leak out to all the slugworth companies and adversaries beyond GoogleLand. Hence, all the best join us. All the best be us.
Screening #1 began and ended there. I don't have a golden ticket to get in anyway.

P.S. there's no such thing as a free lunch. I don't care what Google says.